


Citrus | Hyunsung

by Pullandfox



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:00:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23630467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pullandfox/pseuds/Pullandfox
Summary: " Through some research into an overly tormented past, Jisung meets Hyunjin, his citrus perfume, his endless botany book and his feelings."━━━◦◌.•⋅◌ ☼ ◌⋅•.◌◦━━━
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Hwang - Relationship
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	1. Lime.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sun/gifts).



> I'm not fluent in english so if there's any problem, don't hesitate to let me know :)

•  
•

Sometimes I wonder how my parents still accept me in their house. Being their child doesn't seem to be a sufficient pretext as I can see in their eyes the regret of having me with them. But I'm still here. I'm 19 years old and no one has kicked me out of the house. I'm still here, all day in my thoughts and all night in my dreams. I'm still here, not bothering anyone and yet I've screwed up so many of their years.

Before me, before what they once called their "biggest mistake," everything was kind of fine for them. As far as I know, it started in high school. My father was in love with a girl in his class and had been for a while. She was beautiful. She was a lot prettier than any girl I ever met on the street. From what I saw, she was a brunette with a smile that would make many people faint and a look that, even on the twenty-year-old polaroid, left its mark on people's minds. She was beautiful and so beautiful that even my mother had offered this girl her heart.

She had merely offered her everything to her. But in secret. She had succumbed and dived more and more to reach the excessively complex depths of love. There was no way out. She had left her heart and all her sanity with it. She had fallen madly in love with her classmate and was ashamed, so ashamed. Having to hide her feelings and her ruddy cheeks from her family, her friends and a whole society had driven her crazy, as I heard her say. It had driven her insane to the point of making the mistake of her life.

When I was a kid and I was listening to their conversations behind the doors, I used to dream of meeting this girl who would turn my head as much as she had returned theirs. Deep down, I didn't understand what a woman and a man married together but in love with the same memory of their teenage years meant. I didn't understand the complexity of their relationship at all, nor did I know the truth behind this illusion of affection.

But well, I think that after me, after all that, they felt obliged to stay together all their lives when neither of them was in love with the other. They were both madly smitten with the same woman who had unintentionally intertwined these two souls. Except that a child born out a marriage... what was it? It was nothing more than a malediction that forced them to get married to look a bit better, a bit less crazy and unhappy in the eyes of their families.

Today people say it's outdated, that a child out of marriage is nothing abnormal, it's just as beautiful as any other situation. But that was another time, another era, another mentality. Anyway, if my family was transposed to another space-time, to another planet or anywhere else, I think I would still be as unwanted as ever.

For a long time, answers to this story were missing, but I didn't dare to ask my mother, fearing it would awaken an umpteenth fury in her. I didn't dare to ask my father either, afraid of seeing his eyes fog up again and again until the storm covered his eyes. So, as a teenager, I would occasionally listen to the few words that came through the walls. I would look at the old pictures hidden in the shoebox under the bed. And I would also start thinking that what I heard as a child, when my parents still spoke openly in front of me without worrying about me being able to understand it, was not really ordinary. And it was a mystery that I wanted to unravel.

For a long time, I was missing the pieces of the puzzle to understand how my parents felt about this gorgeous girl with crimson lips and raven hair. And then, one day, there was this lemon boy and I think I started to get it.

One day there was Hyunjin. And from that day on, I discovered feelings that were strangely similar to love. From there I understood many things that have been missing in my life.


	2. Orange.

•  
•

The first time I met Hyunjin was on a Monday. It was Monday the 20th of March, to be more precise. That morning, I did what I had done many other mornings: I pretended. I got up at 7 a.m., went downstairs to the living room, had breakfast, packed my school stuff and closed the door behind me, leaving many fears inside the house.

College was not for me. I had only enrolled because I didn't want to be an even bigger burden to my parents than I already was. But it was really, really not for me. I didn't like the classes. I didn't like being locked up in a room or in an auditorium listening to the teachers for hours without even understanding the meaning of their words. I didn't like being there, surrounded by a whole class where everyone had a future, a goal, and the determination to reach that goal. While I, in the middle of all this, I had no idea what my future would look like. All I knew was I didn't want to spend those years of my youth in a world that wasn't even mine. I didn't want to be a prisoner of a life that wasn't mine.

So there I was, pretending to go now. I would leave in the morning and come back in the evening without telling them what I had done during the day. I didn't do incredible things either, but I simply lived as I wanted for a few hours. I don't think my parents knew that yet. Or, if they knew, they also knew how to hide their disappointment perfectly.

That morning, I walked out into the city along the stone walls until I arrived in front of the convenience store where I used to pass by to see my favorite cashier, a 70-year-old man who worked there to earn enough to eat. I became fond of him the first time I came in, a few months ago, after a brief exchange of words. Now he had become one of my favorite people on this earth and I would spend all my mornings with him until his work was done.

But that morning, he wasn't there. When I came into the store, he wasn't the one sitting behind the counter. It was a dark-haired boy who looked about my age. He was focused on a huge book that was resting on his lap and didn't even look up at me when the entrance bell rang.

I don't know what was going through my head but I panicked because my habits were being disrupted, because it was someone else sitting on the side of the cash register. For no reason, I quickly grabbed the first thing I could get my hands on, a bag of lemons, and I approached the cash register without taking my eyes off the fruits.

"Good morning."

"Hello"

"Lemons are fun."

When he said that, I couldn't resist laughing. Because it was obvious from miles away that he didn't mean to throw that sentence out loud. He had barely let the words come out of his lips and his gaze hadn't even lifted up to me, he had kept it on the lemon in his hands.

"What?"

It was that word that made him realize I had heard his sentence. He raised his head instantly and widened his eyes until they became two little round eyes with pupils blacker than night.

"Um... Because... my book is open on the lemons page, citrus chapter, just as you're passing by with lemons as your only item. And it's funny and then... Well, anyway. 4000 won, please."

"Here it is."

"Thank you, I'll give you change right away... Do you believe in destiny?"

"What ?"

"Fate. I mean, the fact that it's not a coincidence and all that."

"No, not really."

"You don't really believe in destiny?"

"I haven't had a single event in my life that was cool enough to convince me it was fate."

"Here's your change. I believe in it. Well, I'm glad I do if it looks like something you read in books and see in movies. "

"Thank you. Do you even believe in fate when it comes to lemons?"

"Even more so when it comes to lemons."

His lips curled up into a shy smile. Then he opened his mouth as if he was going to continue his sentence, kept it like that for maybe a tenth of a second before letting his lips meet and smile again. Sincerely, I think. At that moment I didn't know him at all. I didn't know anything about him, I didn't even know his first name or that it was his birthday and yet...

And yet I thought he was one of the most beautiful people I'd ever met in my life. In every possible way. It was physical but it was everything else too. I can't explain it, but what he was radiating attracted me with a force stronger than anything in the universe. It was too weird to feel, as if I was paralyzed, as if I couldn't move anything, couldn't breathe properly, couldn't even perceive the world around me as it should be, with the passing of time and all the noises that composed it.

Then I realized that I couldn't stay here any longer because I was afraid of being destroyed by this force that kept getting stronger and stronger. So I took the lemons, turned to the exit and stammered something like "Hi lemon", without thinking about what I was saying. And he said "Hi" back to me before whispering, with all the sweetness in the world, his name.

"Hyunjin. My name is Hyunjin."

I turned to him, he looked up and on his face, there was this smile that gave me a final stab in the heart.


	3. Grapefruit.

I think the most disturbing thing about meeting Hyunjin for the first time was that I felt like I already knew him by heart. I felt like I had already seen him, like I already knew that gaze, those lips and that black hair a little longer in the neck than elsewhere. I couldn't say where or when, but I was sure I knew him. Maybe I had actually met him or perhaps it was in other lives.

When I came out of the store, I hesitated for a very long time to turn around and go back inside again. I told myself I had to ask him this question, that I should ask him if we hadn't already met somewhere. I thought I should leave him something of mine so that he could contact me again. Or maybe the opposite. Leave something of him for me. But I didn't have the guts to do that. So I let the outline of the shop sign fade away as I reached the side of the river.

The riverbank was another one of my daily compulsory passages. I would sit on the waterfront, between the grass and the blooming flowers, and I would read. Sometimes I would also write, draw or let my thoughts flow in the rhythm of the water. I wasn't achieving anything. I wasn't working, I wasn't building the brightest future, and yet I desired my life to look like that for an eternity.

That day, the cherry trees were in bloom. It was even more beautiful than usual. There was the lush green of the plants, the pale pink of the petals and the deep blue of the water that blended together to form the most beautiful painting. I put my backpack on the water's edge and sat down, folding my legs up to my chest. I breathed in the air for a few moments with my eyes closed and my nose raised towards the clouds, before exhaling.

Then I thought for a few seconds about what Hyunjin had told me, about fate and all those things. Maybe he was right, deep down, because it was related to the thoughts I'd had just before. It was like we were meeting a second time or were meant to meet because we already knew everything about each other. I didn't really believe in these things. I didn't even want to believe in them and yet there I was, not even able to find any other explanation than destiny for what had just happened.

I finally got my phone out, about an hour after I got to the shore. As I passed by, I saw the bag with the lemon and an inevitable smile appeared on my face. It was there and I couldn't stop it. And I stared at the lemons, wondering what had happened to me for buying them. I replayed the scene, and frankly, from the outside, it was almost funny. I saw that cashier again, his smile and all the other things I knew about him.

It reminded me of my primary goal, which was to use my phone to call the best cashier there is on earth. So I took my phone out of my hands and tried, tried, tried and tried to turn it on. In vain. It ran out of battery. I must have spent too much time daydreaming, it had run out of power. But I really wanted to talk to him, to see him and tell him. I wanted to know why he wasn't at the register that day because, in a way, that's how I met Hyunjin.

I got up, put the lemons in my bag, put it on my back and walked along the river, the one where the water was starting to get the colors of the sun, to reach him as soon as possible.


	4. blood orange.

•  
•

During the thirty minutes I spent running to Mr. Min's house, all I could think about was Hyunjin, once again. I hadn't focused on my panicked heartbeat or short breath, no. I was only focused on him, just like I had been all day.

It was only when I arrived in front of this little house which was starting to crumble that my thoughts drifted for a few moments to something else. And I barely had time to slow down because the old wooden door opened, revealing the man with the eternal yellow shirt.

"Jisung! You're out of breath!" he exclaimed when he saw me. "Come inside, have a drink."

"Thank you." I whispered between two heavy breaths.

Outside, it wasn't very nice. The walls weren't even white anymore but almost gray. The shutters were completely washed out. But you really couldn't trust the outside because, although modest, the inside was the exact opposite. The furniture was incredibly sparkling and the decoration was subtle, meticulously placed. What I liked most about this house were the many flowers that adorned every single corner with contrasting colors.

"Sit here." he said, pointing to the Vichy patterned stool in the kitchen. "So Jisung, what are you doing here? I saw you running through that window." he continued as he prepared me a glass of water and something that looked like a snack.

"You weren't at the store this morning."

"Were you worried?" he asked, handing me the glass and a plate full of biscuits.

"Thank you. Yes. I didn't understand why you weren't at the register knowing you hadn't told me before. So I thought maybe something had happened to you. And then... I wanted to see you, too. I wanted to talk to you about something. So here I am."

"I wasn't feeling well yesterday..." he said, sitting next to me. "I thought it would be better if I stayed here today. I called the boss who told me there was no problem, that he would find someone to replace me."

"Do you know who replaced you?"

"No. But you do? If you went there, you must have seen him."

"I did. It was a young man about my age. By the way! Do you like lemon?"

"Yes, I do... Why?"

"Wait a minute. "

I got up quickly grabbing my backpack from the doorway. I took the lemons and rushed back to the kitchen before handing them to Mr. Min.

"What are you doing with that?" he chuckled.

"It's a... a purchase mistake."

"You're giving them to me?"

"Yeah, take it all."

"Thanks, Jisung. It's quite sudden but thank you."

"You're welcome. I'm far from needing it and it'll be more useful to you than to me."

"You're a good guy Jisung, you know." he replied with a broad smile on his face.

"You think so?"

"Of course, I think so. Those who don't see it are just stupid. Just by looking at you, we can tell you're a good guy. Your eyes and your smile tell it."

"Thank you. Thanks a lot."

"I would have been the proudest father if you were my son."

"That proud?"

"That much."

"Well, not everybody is, so... But I don't care if you, you think like this."

"Your parents must love you, Jisung. They may not demonstrate it and may even show the opposite but there must be a small amount of love in their hearts for you."

"They hide it very well so if they do. To be honest, I think that's definitely not true."

"You know, the relationship with your kids is probably the most complicated. Some people don't dare to show they love them, others show too much by being overprotective. It's hard to find a middle ground. So...sometimes relationships end well and sometimes they don't."

"Did you go through that with your parents?"

"I went through it with my daughter."

"You have a daughter? Really? You haven't talked about it since all this time."

"For the simple reason that our relationship is one of those that doesn't end well." he whispers, looking down at the table. "I had her with the unique person I ever loved when I was in my thirties. I did everything I could to take care of her as best I could, but I guess it wasn't enough... It's always been very conflictual between us, even more after the death of her mother when she was still a high school student. After that, it was very hard for both of us. And then she finally left."

"Have you heard from her?"

"Not much. I don't even know if she went far away or stayed close. It's even hard to imagine her. I keep the image of her as a child when she must be 40 now. If you want, I can show you pictures of her childhood." he suggested, with difficulty rising from the stool." I have to pick them up because I hid them."

"No! Stay where you are. If you weren't well, this is not the time to get more tired."

On top of that, I didn't want to see him crying. From the very beginning of the conversation, his eyes mist up with tears that could run down his cheeks at any moment. And I really didn't want to see him like that. Especially since my tears would soon be falling as well. It was incredible how much his words had touched me in such a short time. He had the ability to make me listen to his words and to feel everything he could feel every time he painted me a part of his life. And he had managed to tell me stories for months without telling me a single time about his child.

"You're right. I should just stay seated if I want to get back to work soon."

"It's better for you."

"Next time then. Anyway, when you came in earlier, you said you wanted to talk to me about something. What did you want to talk about?"

"Ah... Maybe it's a little late now. Classes are supposed to end soon so I should go home. I'll come to see you again tomorrow if you don't come back to work. Are you going to..?"

"Not this week. The doctor came this morning and I don't have to work this week."

"All right, I won't. I'll come and will tell you what I've got to say."

"Is it important?"

"It's... it seems, yeah. I'm not sure yet. But it's important for me to tell you."

"I can't wait to see your face tomorrow, Jisung."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not fluent in english so if there's any problem, don't hesitate to let me know :)


End file.
